Hi Rich,
The only way to know the preference of the recipient is when he tells you what is it's preference. (Normal mail does not contain such information.)
The vCard is used for that. If your contact has sent you a vCard in the past, such an option can be found in the vCard. (Look at Thunderbird, for example, where you can attach a vCard to your email and specify if you prefer HTML or Plain Text.)
This in the address book, you have an option to manually set that option for a contact. "This contact prefers html/text" when it is not set automatically because this contact has no vCard.
Best Regards.